More than words...

Sometimes song lyrics can describe where we are at so much more than we are able to ourselves. Here's my song of the week, month, year..... ;-) The video is embedded to the right.

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, Ive never been so weary
How I need to know youre near me
Father, let the world just fade away

Till Im on my knees
Till my heart can sing
He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be

He lives
He loves
He's always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
Im not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
And He always will be

He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is

Summa Time and the topics are Rough!

I can't believe that it is almost the middle of August as I am writing this post. I feel like the past two months have literally flown by! We have been so busy with birthday parties, story time, play dates, swim lessons, and did a mini vacation to Great Wolf Lodge.

It finally hit me the other day. I am going to be sending my baby away to "school" in about a month. The preschool decision was a BIG one for me. As a teacher I understand the importance of learning young, but as a mother I long for more years of not worrying about anything beyond scraped knees and princess overload. Being home this past year taught me a couple things though.

1) I cannot be mother and teacher to my child. I am not against homeschooling, but that will not work for our family. At least not with Johanna, and not right now. We did a lot of homeschooling preschool activities and when it came to anything but crafts, we about killed each other. We are WAY too much alike and I admit that I am way to hard on her when she doesn't do something to the best of her abilities. When she isn't trying her best I want to discipline her as her mother not as her teacher. A teacher has a greater buffer zone than a mother which I think will be really important for Jo's personality. Just not for us.

2) Now, I know that she would be fine even if I kept her home with me and didn't focus on anything educational for the next year. She could enter Kindergarten the following year and be perfectly on track. However, is that REALLY what is best for her. I had to face the fact that doing that would set her up to face challenges that she shouldn't have to face and would be better conquered in a smaller classroom environment- i.e. preschool. We are not talking ABCs here people. She's known those since she turned 2. We are talking life and social skills. Let's face it, my child is an only child with a very strong personality. She knows what she wants and she is more than capable of communicating that to you in a timely and articulate fashion! She is an excellent leader and has a heart that wants to make everyone around her happy. The problem is that in the "real world" you don't always get to be the line leader. You don't always get to answer every question that the teacher asks. Sometimes you have to tow the line. But, I want her to learn to do that without compromising her strength. I have learned this is something I cannot teach her myself. She needs some life experience with a class full of 14 other bright children who also want to be the line leader and answer every question. She needs to learn how to handle those situations and to do the right thing even when Mommy isn't standing right there.

I visited several preschools after doing copious amounts of research. The last one we visited was Beginnings Christian Day School. Johanna and I prayed before we went in for the appointment. Johanna asked, "Why do we need to pray, Mommy?" I told her, "This is a really big decision for Mommy and I need to know that we are doing the BEST thing for you in Jesus's eyes." I quietly prayed that if this was the place Johanna was meant to be that I would feel completely sure about it when I left THAT DAY.

I wish I could describe the difference between this visit and the others. All the schools had been very nice, with nice facilities and teachers. However, this place was just different, in a good way. Not only were the teachers friendly and qualified (Johanna's teacher has her master's degree), but somehow it felt like family. These were people that I would totally hang out with! The school was a perfect fit for Johanna, and I felt sure about it before I walked out the door (dragging my child because she didn't want to leave!). It was the kind of peace that you know can only come from God, especially for us worry-wart moms! Another visit later with Dad (who needed to see for himself!) and we were registered. The teacher side of me was excited to get her into their pre-kindergarten class which uses the kindergarten A Beka curriculum which I know is challenging. Johanna is already reading so I wanted a program that offered challenging academics for bright kids as well as a comfortable, family and Christ-focused social environment.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't ever have "oh-my-gosh-what-am-I-doing" moments about her going to school everyday. BUT, when I stopped to pray about why I was feeling that way I discovered something worth writing about. I realized that I didn't question whether or not this was the best decision for Johanna. I was worried about what other moms would think of me for sending my only child to this program. THIS IS A PROBLEM. Parenting is difficult enough on its own without having to worry about what other people think. Why is it that some Moms seem to get it in their head that what is best for their family should be best for every family? I have absolutely NO JUDGEMENT on moms who choose to parent their child differently than mine. Homeschooling, private school, public school, spanking, time-outs, co-sleeping, or cry-it-out. I say whatever works for your family- go for it! I guess I have to admit that I do judge parents who I feel aren't meeting the basic needs of their child- food, shelter, love, etc. However, who am I to tell you that my way of meeting my child's needs is the best way?

3) Unfortunately, I feel like this is a huge problem within the capital C church as well. I know SOOOOOO many moms who have been turned off to God because of how His children have acted. I certainly have my opinions about things like vaccination, schooling, and discipline. I will even share those opinions with you if you ask. HOWEVER, they are just opinions and are never more important than someone establishing a personal relationship with their creator. Pretty sure when we die, God won't ask whether or not we vaccinated or if we sent our kids to public school before we are permitted to walk on the streets of gold. I encourage those of us who are already His children to not cripple our testimony by being "IN YO FACE" about things that do not matter in the light of eternity.

Being a mom is about doing what is best for your children and that can look 100s of different ways. The bottom line is that moms need support. We need support from other moms. So, let's all lay down our battle axe, pick up the white flag, and call a truce.

30 things I learned by 30

I figured my 30th birthday would be a good time to reintroduce myself to the blogging world. Oh blog, how I have missed you. It has been a long time.

I have to admit that I am sort of nervous about reentering this world. This has previously been a fun outlet for me (and a great way to keep friends/ relatives updated on miller life), but there are some things in life that are just too difficult to write about. So, we will just skip over all that stuff and get back to our regularly scheduled fun and poor attempts at sarcasm and humor :-)

So, without any further ado- 30 things I learned by 30:

1. Trampolines are fun no matter how old you are

2. I TOTALLY take back all the times I didn't want to nap when I was younger

3. Anytime that I decide to stay up late to do something fun, my child will either 1)wake up needing something right after I actually go to sleep or 2)think that 6:30 a.m. is breakfast time. Probably both.

4. It's ok if someone doesn't like me and has no bearing on how I feel about myself.

5. There is a lot that I DON'T know

6. Good intentions don't always yield good results and they don't justify bad decisions

7. What I want isn't always (or even usually) what God wants for me. Thankfully he knows better than I do. I have to remind myself of this everyday.

8. Take a deep breath- Nothing is as big of a deal as it seems to be at the moment.

9. Gilmore Girls is AWESOME and can always make me smile.

10. Sometimes you have to give yourself a break. Each situation has a good, better, and best action. Sometimes all I have in me is to accomplish "good" and that is ok.

11. All natural peanut butter rocks my world

12. Being a parent is the greatest blessing and the most difficult job EVER.

13. The things that frustrate me most about my child are things I dislike about myself

14. Don't buy cheap paper towels- It's not worth it.

15. Really true good friends are few and far between and they are a blessing from God.

16. Sometimes what people need to hear is not what they want to hear. A good friend will tell you what you need to hear.

17. I don't know where I'd be without 1) God and 2) my family. They see me at my worst and still love me.

18. Feeling competitive with friends is stupid and unfortunately common among women. Thankfully I outgrew this in my mid twenties.

19. Contentment is about attitude and not circumstance. I think I will learn this throughout life.

20. Cute shoes are worth the pain...maybe I'll change my opinion before 40

21. Don't look at other people's lives with envy or judgement. Everyone has their own "stuff" to deal with- including you.

22. If I focus on helping others, my problems are put into perspective

23. Laughter is the BEST medicine. Snorting rolling on the floor laughter. Hang onto the people that can take you there!

24. I cannot change anyone but myself

25. I have the cutest, funniest, and sweetest kid in the world!

26. Be honest. Lying to "protect" someone is often an excuse to do something you shouldn't.

27. Coffee is one of the greatest things EVER

28. Make new friends but keep the old- one is silver and the other gold (thank you girl scout days)

29. Regardless of what everyone says, remembering middle school math helps me shop and save $$ (says the math teacher!)

30. Don't wear socks unless you have too

There's my 30. But you know my mantra- Go Big Or Go Home!! So, here's one more that I have been learning throughout the past year-

31. Life is not about making me happy, but it is about making me holy (thankfully they are not mutually exclusive). My decisions need to be made on what I KNOW as truth and not on how I feel.

Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

by Casting Crowns

Psalm 40:11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me.

Can't Resist...

Brian's sister Stephanie was gracious enough to give me a ride back down to Kentucky after Brian and Jo left Wooster really early due to sickness. Thanks again Steph! Anyhoo, while she was visiting she showed me some hilarious pics of Jo that were taken a long time ago, but I laughed so hard that I had to share the progression with my faithful few. These were taken while Jo was with Gaga (Brian's mom) visiting Aunt Carrie's house. Hope these help you start your new year off with a laugh. Yes, these will be blown up at her graduation party.

Seriously, how could she not notice that?!!! btw- This would sooooo not be cute if she were much older. However, for now it is hilarious!

New Year....New Beginnings

The traditional Christmas posts with pictures will eventually be coming. Things have been a bit crazy around here for many reasons. I just got home from a 6 day trip up to Wooster to visit family and friends. All I will say about that for now is that I have never been so appreciative for the blessing of people who love me unconditionally. I am so blessed to have people who love me even when it's not easy. It's easy to love someone when things are great. People show their true colors when push comes to shove and life is no longer easy. Some people will turn their back. Some people will just be silent and watch you suffer. Other people will lay down there selfish desires and love you when you need it the most- not asking for anything in return. That is true love. That is true friendship.

Ok, now that I am off my soapbox- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I feel like 2011 is going to be an eventful year. I have no idea what the future holds for me. All I know is that I am ready for God to knock my socks off. I could use a little of that :-) So, for a small "new years" post I will leave you with the lyrics to the new Katy Perry song (ok, so all middle school teachers are really middle school kids at heart so don't be surprised that I love this song. Also, the lyrics are actually awesome. Don't judge!).

Here is to 2011...may we all remember who we are.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,

drifting through the wind

wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

like a house of cards,

one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?

6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed

So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

You're gonna leave 'em falling down

One of the things on my mind today....

Underneath the stars

Just a simple man and wife

Somewhere in the dark

His words cut the silent night

Take my hand, for the child

That you carry is God's own

And though it may seem the road is long

We're not that far from Bethlehem

Where all our hope and joy began

For in our arms, we'll cherish Him

We're not that far, from Bethlehem

Let us celebrate

As the Christmas's go by

Learn to live our days

With our hearts near to the child

Ever drawn, ever close

To the only love that lasts

And though 2000 years have past

We're not that far from Bethlehem

Where all our hope and joy began

For in our arms, we'll cherish Him

We're not that far, from Bethlehem

Winter 2010

I am sure you can all relate to the hectic nature of the Christmas season. So, I apologize in advance for the lack of any quirky humor or irony in this post. It is going to be just a run-of-the-mill-how-the-millers-are-doing kind of post.

I do have to start by saying how much I LOVE the Christmas season. I love the baking, the shopping, the wrapping, the parties, the food, the friends, the decorations, and most of all the wonder of it all as we celebrate the CHRIST in Christmas. The thought of Him becoming man and living a sinless life to die on a cross for me (stupid, sinful, has-to-learn-the-hard-way me) still just baffles me. May we never lose the wonder and amazement of what Christmas is all about.

I think the best part of celebrating the season is watching Jo experience the excitement and wonder. Watching her learn about Jesus everyday as we do our advent calendar is amazing. They retain and understand so much more than we give them credit for. She also TOTALLY believes in Santa, which I love (and I don't care about any comments from those of you who disagree with this). This leads me to my post about what we've been up too:

Johanna had her first dance recital the other night. Her class danced to "All I Want For Christmas is You." Is was absolutely adorable. Of course, I may be biased, but other parents whose child wasn't in her class seemed to agree, so maybe it's not just me.

Jo ready to leave for her recital

Santa came to the recital and gave everyone candy canes. She was so excited!

The next night we went to an event at a local club called Spindle Top It was beautiful outside on the veranda with fires, hot chocolate, and cookies! They had a special visit with Santa (only 25 people total) where he came, read the Night Before Christmas, and then each child got to sit and talk with him. It was GREAT because there were only about 10 kids and most of them were friends of ours. Plus, the Santa was the type of Santa that just naturally looks like Santa. No fake beard. It just makes it seem so much more real!

Getting ready...it was cold out so we all had to bundle!

Dancing by the fire (do not try this at home)

Jo (and friends) REALLY enjoyed the hot chocolate and marshmallows...can you tell?

Santa reading The Night Before Christmas

Jo and friends listening to Santa

Jo and Santa...she just loved him!

After the Santa visit, we all loaded up into a shuttle and went to see the Southern Lights display which was cool (minus the hour+ wait to get in....yeah, not kidding. I would have left and gone home if I could have).

Regardless of any drama, I still LOVE this time of year. I can't wait for Saturday morning!

Paper cuts and Three Year Olds

Let me begin by saying that I will keep this short. The last two days have very possibly been some of the LOOOOOOONNNNNNGest days of my life. No major catastrophes, just annoyances repeated throughout the entire day....for two days straight. I know it could be worse, so I don't need anyone reminding me of that (even though I appreciate the sentiment....sort of). I know I should focus on my blessing and blah blah blah. But, ya know what, sometimes life just sucks. Yup. I said it. That doesn't mean I'm not grateful for the good things. What it does mean is that the only thing that would have made yesterday even more complete is paper cuts on my eyeballs. So, here's to tomorrow being another day and to a better attitude for me (or the annoying people).

Captivating.....

Wow....I am tired. We just got home from our trip up to O-H-I-O for Thanksgiving. It was great to see friends, celebrate with family, and of course continue my black Friday shopping tradition (a post for another day).

Part of my trip included finishing some work at my former house that we are renting to another family starting Dec. 1st. I walked out of "my house" for the last time on Friday night. I didn't realize how hard that would be. I will admit it....I cried. Actually, I sobbed. For those of you who know me, this is a HUGE deal. Let's just say I am not much of a crier, or shall I call myself "emotionally challenged." I have a tendency to stifle my emotions and hold everything inside. This time I couldn't. I have so many memories in that house....good and bad. Johanna came home there. She took her first steps there. She has grown up there. I grew a lot as a person there. I entered that house as a 24 year old college student and left as an almost 30 year old woman and mother. I don't know where I am going with this except to say....It was difficult.

While we are riding the emotional roller coaster, I want to share a couple excerpts from a book that I am currently rereading (it's been years and I don't remember most of it). I have to admit that I am not a huge fan of Christian books about woman. They usually leave me feeling a huge sense of failure for who I am as a woman and mother. They often provide another list of things to do that I can never live up too. Thankfully, the authors of this book don't like those books either which is why they (John and Stasi Eldredge) wrote the book Captivating- Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. I still have a difficult time with books that lump a HUGE category of people (like women) together and say we all have similar feelings and desires. However, so far I am ok with the intentions of this book. There have been a couple sections that have resonated with me thus far (I'm only on page 29). I thought I would share them with you......

"I remember when I was ten asking myself as well as older females in my life how a woman of God would actually be confident, scandalous, and beautiful, yet not portray herself as a feminist Nazi or an insecure I-need-attention emotional whore. How can I become a strong woman without becoming harsh? How can I be vulnerable without drowning myself in my sorrow?"

My FAV part so far (I think because it gave words to so many of my emotions...great for the emotionally challenged like myself). I have heard many other women echo these same sentiments throughout the years:

Unseen, Unsought, Uncertain

I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it- something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

After all, if we were better women- whatever that means- life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought- that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain- uncertain of what it even means to be a woman; uncertain of what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of is- whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder.

And in all the exhortations we have missed the most important thing of all. We have missed the heart of a woman.

Let's think on that for awhile.....

New Experiences in a New City...

While glancing through my blog, I realized it has been awhile since I have written a general update with pictures...sorry! While you may have better things to do, the mother in me chooses to think that pictures of my kid are worth your time. So, here goes.....

We've been in Kentucky for about 3 to 4 weeks. In one way it seems like we have been here longer than that, but in another way it shocked me to realize it has been that long. Johanna has adjusted well. She still gets confused sometimes and things we can just go see people who live up in Wooster, but for the most part she just says, "Wooster is far far away mommy." She still talks about her old house, but she really likes her new house. I think she really likes her new room. She never has any trouble adjusting to sleeping here (Thank God). Moving has taken it's tole on me, but I am recovering (I know most of you have been there). We are heading back up to Wooster for Thanksgiving week. Jo and I are heading up early to finish up work at the old house.

One of the great things about Lexington is that it has a lot more activities and things to do since it is a bigger city. Our first weekend here we went with my friend E an her daughter A to an early learners book club. It was very well done with activities, crafts, good stories, snacks and each child got to take one of the books they read home with them. It was kind of like an extended story-time from Wooster (with snacks!). We have had fun discovering new restaurants, and getting to hang out with great friends we normally don't get to see very often!

Firsts for Johanna:

My friend E and I took our girls to the ballet for the first time! It was so cute! It was 75 minutes which made me a little nervous, but it was very colorful and kid friendly. We had fun getting ready together. We played beauty parlor- did nails and hair. I LOVE having a girl who loves that stuff and still enjoys playing in the mud.....that's my kinda girl!

This was taken right after we got ready. Not sure what that face is, but she likes to make strange faces for pictures. Awesome.

Love those blue eyes (and my blue hair!!)

All ready in her nice coat!

The girls getting ready for the show to start at the Opera House. When it stated they both went "woooooooooow!" So worth it!

Last weekend my mom came down to visit for the weekend. It was GREAT. I got to take her to some of my favorite places, and Jo loved having her Gagi around. While my mom was here, we took Jo (only with two other friends and their 4 kids!) to see Aladdin back at the Opera House. This was her first play. The performance was great. Jo did pretty well. She had a few moments toward the end of the show when she wanted to go home because I remembered to bring her a snack, but I forgot her cup (mom of the year here). All the other kids were drinking and Jo just gobbled her PB crackers and then didn't have a drink. I felt bad. Oh well, it helped her build character.

The kids waiting for the show to start.

Jo and I at the show.

Just a pic I wanted to add. This was taken in October at my Grandpa's Birthday Party in Michigan.

That is just a small snapshot of what we have been doing since we left good ol' Wooster, Ohio. I wish I had time to write more, but I am off to a play-date at a local pottery place. Pictures to come!

Spirit of the Season

We will pause from our regularly scheduled blogging of complaints and frustration for this important announcement:

I cannot believe that it is almost the middle of November. This is my absolute favorite time of year for so many reasons.

1) LOVE the weather! It was warm today (mid 70's) but beautiful. Jo got to play with friends in the leaves all afternoon....one of the greatest joys of being a kid!

2) Thanksgiving is one of my two favorite holidays (bet you'd never guess the other). Even though my life has plenty of challenges (that you hear all about on this blog), I have MUCH to be thankful for. I am very blessed. Plus, I make a really mean pumpkin pie.

3) I LOVE shopping on Black Friday. It was a family tradition growing up. I have a lot of fond memories with my family going out in the middle of the night to get in line. We would always celebrate our savings (and survival) over breakfast. The beauty of black Friday is that you can get all your Christmas shopping done by 8 a.m.!! Did I mention that it's AWESOME!

4) I love fall food. You might ask, "What is fall food?" I am talking fall veggies like butternut and acorn squash. I especially love that it starts feeling like "soup weather." I love me a good soup. My dad's recipe for butternut squash soup is the best. Yummo! I think I know one of the things I am making for dinner next week.

5) It is the beginning of a really fun (and crazy busy) time of year. I especially love watching Jo celebrate the holidays (minus the bratty consumer moments). Children can have such beautiful hearts. Plus, tis the season for baking, and we all know how I feel about that :-)

6) I heart coffee everyday of the year. However, it seems especially enjoyable to me on a crisp fall day...sitting outside in my jammies enjoying the crisp cool air and a hot steamy cup-o-joe. Ahhhhh....

Those are just a few of the reasons why I really cherish this time of year.

I am sure we will return to the regular scheduled programming soon ;-)

I'm back....sort of

I would like to welcome myself back to the world of blogging. I am sure that my absence was more painful for me than anyone else! I always forget how much blogging helps me process and deal with different areas in my life. Plus, this is WAY cheaper than seeing my shrink every day.

I am officially a Kentuckian. The move that got in put in motion over 8 months ago has finally happened. I still haven't sold the house up in Wooster, and I am thinking of renting it. A decision will have to be made within the next few weeks.

For those of you who know me well (I apologize in advance), you know that I do not do well when I feel like things are out of control. So, moving isn't exactly a picnic for me. I should be a pro by now with this being our ninth move. I will say that I am a pretty darn good packer. The house got packed up in 3 days (minus Jo). We drove down and unloaded on Friday (the 22nd), and I was unpacked by Tuesday night. So, I think you can safely assume how I spent most of my time in between. A big thank you to everyone who helped me during this process :-)

I did get out for some fun. I took Jo to an Early Learners Book Club on Sat. morning with my friend Erin and her daughter Annabelle. Then, I had lunch at a great place called Doodles with Erika and her three kiddos. Johanna loves having so many built-in playmates down here already!

I headed back up to Wooster on Wednesday to pack up a few little last minute things in our old basement and organize the storage unit. Plus, we had tickets to two football games over the weekend. I had a blast getting to visit some great people who I miss dearly already. We returned to KY last night. I am ready to do a whole lot of NOTHING. Unfortunately, there is a bathroom to be painted and some new boxes to unpack. I have three letters for you- UGH.

I am glad to be back. I don't feel like myself yet. I don't normally complain. However, a new top ten list might help me feel better. I'm a little grumpy, so this is your warning that it might not be suitable for children or adults who don't get sarcasm.

Top Ten Things for me To $itch about:

1. Moving- need I say more

2. I'm sick- could be from Jo....or the half tub of cookie dough I ate last night.

3. My hair has been a real pain in the butt- I blame this on the change of weather and water, but it still sucks.

4. I'm tired- thank God the coffee pot got unpacked last week.

5. I miss people- nothing nice to put next to this

6. I need to shower and my bathroom got torn apart while I was gone....and not finished.

7. I reiterate everything that goes with #1

8. I feel a headache coming on, and I am out of Migraine medicine....and I don't have a doctor here yet.

9. My house is a mess

10. I don't feel like doing anything and that stresses me out.

So, sorry I am not my usual chipper self. But, sometimes life stinks (in which case you should read this). Cuteness to come- Johanna was the most adorable bumble bee for Halloween! I am going to go unpack my boots.....for some reason that makes me happy :-)

FREEZE...

I have been tagged. If you know me, then you know I cannot resist playing along when games are involved! Plus, I have been in the car for about 10 of the last 36 hours. Did I mention my 3 year old was with me. Ummmm, yeah. That means I need some adult conversation (about 3 bottles of wine) and you are being forced to be my friend.

1. What is your biggest pet peeve?

So many to chose from. Hmmmmmm...It does agitate me when the toilet paper gets put on backward (at least backwards to my world!). Ok folks, it should go over, not under. Under means you can spin the roll over and over and not get the end to hang loose so you can pull the toilet paper. Let's just say that I don't like to spend extra time with my face over the toilet that my child just (use your imagination here)'ed in trying to unroll the toilet paper.

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

I would love to live near a beach. Somewhere that has pretty consistent nice weather. I think it would just facilitate a healthy and energetic lifestyle for my family verses trying to get outside in NE Ohio's Winters......UGH.

3. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

No. Probably should have been at some point ;-)

4. What is the one thing on your mind right now?

WANT TO SLEEP!

5. Favorite song right now?

Hmmmm.....tough one. I really like listening to music so this is difficult. I like all different types of music too. I will say that I have always really liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Lisa Loeb. I know that doesn't really answer the question, but that's the best I got!


6. What talent do you wish you had?

I have always wished that I could play the guitar. I only know like 5 chords and it is pretty bad.

7. Favorite drink?

Here's the rundown-

Morning: water and coffee (the stronger the better)

The rest of the day it is usually water or a diet pop as an occasional treat. Coffee is often splattered throughout the rest of the day as well depending on the need.

For a night out or just because- I really enjoy wine (nothing too sweet) or anything with tequila. Yes, I am a tequila girl. I also like a very flavorful beer (usually dark).

8. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

So many options here... I don't think there is one word. Energetic, maybe? I am definitely a work in progress. If I had to use one word to describe me today, it would be TIRED!!!


Now, for the really fun part! I get to tag eight other people to play along. Thanks for thinking of me Jamey!

I pick:

1) Sarah (known her since birth!)

2) Jen (The more I get to know her, the more I love her!!)

3) Janna (Never seen her annoyed...would love to know her pet peeve!!)

4) Sam (Just moved and is very busy, but I miss reading her posts)

5) Summer (Life long friend who has a whole lot going on!)

6) Amanda (Someone who I love seeing and reading!!)

7) Erika (busy mom who I will see a whole lot more soon! YAY!!)

8) Amy D (You don't have a blog and this is a reason to start one. You are hilarious, and I would read it every day!!!)

Playing Around....LoL/ LoL

Some friends of mine, Jamey and Katy, are doing a blog series called LoL/ LoL which stands for Lots of Littles/Lots of Laughs. They both have lots of littles and lots of laughs, so I HIGHLY recommend that you click on their names and check out their blogs!

I, on the other hand, do not have lots of littles, but the little one I do have is FULL of laughs. I guess you could say that I can try to participate at about 50% (gotta keep my math teach skills sharp). Today's posts are still introductory posts. I invite you to stick around and you may even learn something new about me.

1. If you weren't a SAHM what do you think you'd miss the most?
This is pretty easy for me since I haven't been a SAHM for very long. I would miss the random hugs and snuggles throughout the day. I would miss the hilarious things that Jo says every 5 minutes (that I forget 5 seconds later). However, the thing I would miss the most would be Jo waking me up every morning. She is my alarm clock, and she wakes me up in a different way each day. It may be a song or an animal noise. She may try to scare me (not my favorite). Today it was by being an owl. There is nothing better than waking up to see her smiling face 2 inches from mine every morning. Well, it might be better if it were after 8.

2. Do you have a favorite family ritual?
It is sad for me to admit that I can't think of a ritual for our whole family. Every since I had Johanna, Brian and I have been on pretty opposite schedules. This equaled little to no time when all three of us were together at once. It was hard. This is why Brian made the career change and started his own business, and I am now a SAHM. However, we have basically been living in two different states since he started the business in March. Jo and I are set to move down in a few weeks, so I hope to add to the list of family rituals soon.

However, I have several rituals with Jo that I LOVE. One would be Movie Night. I let her pick the movie, we lay on the floor, and we eat ice cream and other treats for dinner during the movie. It equals a later and sometimes dicey bedtime, but it is a total blast!

3. Are you the only cook in your house?
Yes and no. I would say I cook about 95% of the time. Brian can cook and will do the occasional specialty lasagna or BBQ ribs (which he loves to do). I am definitely the day to day cook. I really enjoy cooking and baking for my family. However, Brian always runs the grill. I have never touched the grill except to buy it for him!

4. Are you a good housekeeper?
Not quite sure how to answer this... I guess I would say yes. I hold myself to standards that I would NEVER hold anyone else to in that area. It is part of my perfectionism that my counselor (yes, I am in therapy) is working with me on right now. It is a control issue for me, and it's not a good thing. Going into this is a whole other can of worms for another day....

5. What do you and your husband do for couple time?
We don't have much of this right now with the whole different states thing going on. When we do see each other we like to have date nights with dinner and a movie or maybe some shopping. We watch Community and The Office together every week and might be adding Outsourced to that list. I love Thursday T.V.!!

6. What's the one parenting rule that you never break?
Hmmmmmm...this is tough one. I have broken most of my rules at least once. I am pretty big on respect for others...especially adults. As a teacher I dealt with TOO MANY kids that never learned to live under authority. She definitely knows that there is an order of authority. Mommy and Daddy are in charge of her. God is in charge of mommy and daddy. Johanna is in charge of her "aminals" (meaning stuffed animals). She tells me this everyday.

7. What do you want your kiddos to grow up knowing?
I want her to know that God loves her unconditionally, and that NOTHING can separate her from that love. I spend a lot of time reminding her that Mommy and Daddy will ALWAYS love her NO MATTER WHAT and that she is a beautiful person inside and out. I want her to know that we ALL make poor decisions, but they don't define who we are unless we let them.

8. What role does faith play in your life?
Faith definitely plays a central role in my life. That is not to say that I don't make the occasional (hourly or more frequent) mistake. I would like to say that my faith directs every area of my life, but my control-freakish self stands in the way a lot (sorry about that God). Thankfully, I am a redeemed child of God, and somehow He loves me despite all the crap I do/ think/ say.

9. What's the most important item in your home?
I would DEFINITELY feel the most lost without my laptop and my cell phone. I am a notorious txt'er and I am often preoccupied with facebook or blogs. I also LOVE researching things on the Internet. For some reason it makes me feel knowledgeable.

10. Are there any more kids in your future?
I hope so! God willing I would definitely like to have more kids.

11. Where do you see yourself five years from now?
I am moving out of state in less than 5 weeks, so five years is hard to imagine. I have learned that whenever I speculate about what my life will look like, God likes to have a good laugh. I have gone through so much in the last 5 months that I will admit that I have NO IDEA where I see myself in 5 years. That is a HUGE statement from a control freak planner like me. That's all I have to say about that.

Thanks for reading a snapshot into the life of Rachel. I am glad to see you made it out in one piece (I am not sure about whether or not I will!). You are all invited to play along!! Link your blogs to ours and leave a comment so we can find our way to you, answer in my comment section. Enhance our feeling of community! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Tastes of Fall......

The move date was/ is set. Originally we were set to move into the house in Lexington on Oct. 15th. However, that date has gotten pushed back to the 22nd. I definitely feel like I am scrambling to see a lot of people and do a lot of things before I leave.

Here are a few pics of the house for the curious folk:

Front of house... bet you couldn't tell (hehe!)

Fenced in backyard with a small patio and deck

Part of the living room (looking at the front door) taken from the dining room/ kitchen area. It's a pretty open concept.

Fireplace in the living room. It's wood-burning which is what I like :-)

Part of the kitchen

The rest of the kitchen. I am CELEBRATING counter space!! For those of you who know me, you know that I LOVE to cook and bake. The kitchen in our house in Wooster is...well, let's just say it doesn't have as much counter space.

Third bedroom which we will use as a guest room and office area as well.

I copied the rest from the website as one huge picture, so I will list what you are looking at:

1) Dining room right off of the kitchen (basically one huge room)

2) Upstairs full bath that will be right next to Jo's room

3) Downstairs half bath

4- 6) All Pics of the master bedroom. Yes, it has it's own bath and walk in closet. I am in HEAVEN!

7-8) 2nd bedroom which will be Jo's room

I am actually really relieved that we are just renting while for now. I know that it means another move in the future, but I am not ready to buy another house. We signed a pretty long lease (over a year) so at least I know we will be there long enough that it is worth getting really settled. The people we are renting from are awesome (same boat as us- couldn't sell their house so they decided to rent it out). They don't care if we paint or anything. Plus, we can get a dog without any extra charge. Which is good b/c we are planning on getting Jo a puppy for Christmas. That is a topic for a post another day!!

Today was Johanna's last gymnastics class here. So, of course she asked if we could make cookies for everyone. I stupidly said yes and even told her that she could pick the kind. She chose cut-outs before I could tell her that she could choose anything she wanted besides cut- outs. They are just so much work! I suppose I could swallow my pride and not do everything from scratch. Lets face it folks, that's not going to happen....call it the masochistic side of my personality. So, we made heart cut-outs last night as well as pumpkin muffins and chocolate pumpkin bread. I figure if I'm going to make my kitchen a wreck, I might as well make as much as I can! She is such a good helper in the kitchen. She LOVED cutting out the cookies and putting them on the baking sheet. This morning she helped me make pink butter cream frosting. I frosted and she decorated with all sorts of sprinkles and candies (all while sampling of course). By the time we got to gymnastics she was so hopped up on sugar.....let's just say she had a little extra bounce today. I am sure her teacher was very thankful. I made sure to leave her 4 cookies and 2 muffins as penance.

I wish that I didn't love to bake and eat. One without the other would be better for my jeans. I always say my jeans don't lie (sung to the tune of hips don't lie by Shakira).

Meanwhile, we are back at home. Cookies and muffins were shared. Jo has crashed from all the sugar and is half asleep on the big comfy chair in our living room. My kitchen is a wreck and I have frosting and sprinkles all over the dining room (which has carpet). I went to clean up, and I realized that this was probably the last time I will make cut-outs (and have to clean up the ensuing mess) in my house.

I love my house. I worked hard to make this house what it is. I have so many memories of baking in this house. It is in this house where I developed my love for cooking and baking. Before here I thought I didn't like to cook. It was hamburger helper or rice-a-roni....a lot! I am ready to say good-bye to this house, my first house, but I still know it will be sad. This is the house Johanna came home to that chilly February day (It was 2007 Superbowl Sunday and it was FREEZING. I'm talking subzero temps...which I will not miss). I have so many memories in this house.....good and bad, but mostly good.

I know that I will take the memories with me wherever I go. I hope that whoever lives here here next enjoys it as much as I have. It's a great house.

This whole post feels very random, but I think I know where it all started. As I was cooking yesterday, I kept thinking about how much I love fall. It is my favorite season. I love baking with fall tastes of pumpkin and apple. I love the changing leaves and the cooler temperatures and crisp air. Everything that comes with fall just feels so different than summer or winter. It is such a beautiful transition....beautiful way to experience change. Tastes of fall make me think of tastes of change.

So, I will take that attitude into the much bigger change that is happening in my life and realize that transition can be beautiful.

Witty Wednesday

Johanna, like many three year old children (who NEVER stop talking), if full of little pearls of wisdom that make parenting a toddler slightly more humorous than torturous. Haven't we all had those moments when we were so frustrated but then they do or say something that is sooooo inappropriate (and usually takes place in public) that we have to turn away so they don't see us laughing. This could range from doing the "booty pop" (no idea where she learned this) to asking mommy to play Ke$ha from her ipod while at church.

Today's completely appropriate moment of course took place in the car where nobody could witness that I do actually teach my child things that don't involve dancing or lyrics that at age 15 would keep her locked in her room until she was 35. On the way home from my dad's house (affectionately known as papi) Johanna was being louder than normal. Normal would be incessant talking that ranges between 4 and 5 on the Richter scale. This is defined as "Noticeable shaking of indoor items, rattling noises. Significant damage unlikely." Today's talking (singing/ pirate chanting) was more around a 5- 6 (Can cause major damage to poorly constructed buildings over small regions. At most slight damage to well-designed buildings.). Her sing-song event eventually turned into a very dramatic version of fake sneezes which apparently are very humorous to people under the age of 4. When I, frustrated and tired....... I mean- quiet and calm, asked her to quiet down and told her that sneezes weren't that loud, she said, "But mom, that's the way Jesus made them."

Nice. So glad that Jesus makes it in there in the car while Ke$ha gets the stage at church.

Beauty for Ashes

This songs has really been speaking to me lately, so I thought I would share it with you. Hope it sends some encouragement your way as well.

Beauty for Ashes by Crystal Lewis

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When what youve done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound Ive been set free
Ive been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair