More than words...

Sometimes song lyrics can describe where we are at so much more than we are able to ourselves. Here's my song of the week, month, year..... ;-) The video is embedded to the right.

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, Ive never been so weary
How I need to know youre near me
Father, let the world just fade away

Till Im on my knees
Till my heart can sing
He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be

He lives
He loves
He's always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
Im not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
And He always will be

He lives
He loves
He's always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is

Summa Time and the topics are Rough!

I can't believe that it is almost the middle of August as I am writing this post. I feel like the past two months have literally flown by! We have been so busy with birthday parties, story time, play dates, swim lessons, and did a mini vacation to Great Wolf Lodge.

It finally hit me the other day. I am going to be sending my baby away to "school" in about a month. The preschool decision was a BIG one for me. As a teacher I understand the importance of learning young, but as a mother I long for more years of not worrying about anything beyond scraped knees and princess overload. Being home this past year taught me a couple things though.

1) I cannot be mother and teacher to my child. I am not against homeschooling, but that will not work for our family. At least not with Johanna, and not right now. We did a lot of homeschooling preschool activities and when it came to anything but crafts, we about killed each other. We are WAY too much alike and I admit that I am way to hard on her when she doesn't do something to the best of her abilities. When she isn't trying her best I want to discipline her as her mother not as her teacher. A teacher has a greater buffer zone than a mother which I think will be really important for Jo's personality. Just not for us.

2) Now, I know that she would be fine even if I kept her home with me and didn't focus on anything educational for the next year. She could enter Kindergarten the following year and be perfectly on track. However, is that REALLY what is best for her. I had to face the fact that doing that would set her up to face challenges that she shouldn't have to face and would be better conquered in a smaller classroom environment- i.e. preschool. We are not talking ABCs here people. She's known those since she turned 2. We are talking life and social skills. Let's face it, my child is an only child with a very strong personality. She knows what she wants and she is more than capable of communicating that to you in a timely and articulate fashion! She is an excellent leader and has a heart that wants to make everyone around her happy. The problem is that in the "real world" you don't always get to be the line leader. You don't always get to answer every question that the teacher asks. Sometimes you have to tow the line. But, I want her to learn to do that without compromising her strength. I have learned this is something I cannot teach her myself. She needs some life experience with a class full of 14 other bright children who also want to be the line leader and answer every question. She needs to learn how to handle those situations and to do the right thing even when Mommy isn't standing right there.

I visited several preschools after doing copious amounts of research. The last one we visited was Beginnings Christian Day School. Johanna and I prayed before we went in for the appointment. Johanna asked, "Why do we need to pray, Mommy?" I told her, "This is a really big decision for Mommy and I need to know that we are doing the BEST thing for you in Jesus's eyes." I quietly prayed that if this was the place Johanna was meant to be that I would feel completely sure about it when I left THAT DAY.

I wish I could describe the difference between this visit and the others. All the schools had been very nice, with nice facilities and teachers. However, this place was just different, in a good way. Not only were the teachers friendly and qualified (Johanna's teacher has her master's degree), but somehow it felt like family. These were people that I would totally hang out with! The school was a perfect fit for Johanna, and I felt sure about it before I walked out the door (dragging my child because she didn't want to leave!). It was the kind of peace that you know can only come from God, especially for us worry-wart moms! Another visit later with Dad (who needed to see for himself!) and we were registered. The teacher side of me was excited to get her into their pre-kindergarten class which uses the kindergarten A Beka curriculum which I know is challenging. Johanna is already reading so I wanted a program that offered challenging academics for bright kids as well as a comfortable, family and Christ-focused social environment.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't ever have "oh-my-gosh-what-am-I-doing" moments about her going to school everyday. BUT, when I stopped to pray about why I was feeling that way I discovered something worth writing about. I realized that I didn't question whether or not this was the best decision for Johanna. I was worried about what other moms would think of me for sending my only child to this program. THIS IS A PROBLEM. Parenting is difficult enough on its own without having to worry about what other people think. Why is it that some Moms seem to get it in their head that what is best for their family should be best for every family? I have absolutely NO JUDGEMENT on moms who choose to parent their child differently than mine. Homeschooling, private school, public school, spanking, time-outs, co-sleeping, or cry-it-out. I say whatever works for your family- go for it! I guess I have to admit that I do judge parents who I feel aren't meeting the basic needs of their child- food, shelter, love, etc. However, who am I to tell you that my way of meeting my child's needs is the best way?

3) Unfortunately, I feel like this is a huge problem within the capital C church as well. I know SOOOOOO many moms who have been turned off to God because of how His children have acted. I certainly have my opinions about things like vaccination, schooling, and discipline. I will even share those opinions with you if you ask. HOWEVER, they are just opinions and are never more important than someone establishing a personal relationship with their creator. Pretty sure when we die, God won't ask whether or not we vaccinated or if we sent our kids to public school before we are permitted to walk on the streets of gold. I encourage those of us who are already His children to not cripple our testimony by being "IN YO FACE" about things that do not matter in the light of eternity.

Being a mom is about doing what is best for your children and that can look 100s of different ways. The bottom line is that moms need support. We need support from other moms. So, let's all lay down our battle axe, pick up the white flag, and call a truce.

30 things I learned by 30

I figured my 30th birthday would be a good time to reintroduce myself to the blogging world. Oh blog, how I have missed you. It has been a long time.

I have to admit that I am sort of nervous about reentering this world. This has previously been a fun outlet for me (and a great way to keep friends/ relatives updated on miller life), but there are some things in life that are just too difficult to write about. So, we will just skip over all that stuff and get back to our regularly scheduled fun and poor attempts at sarcasm and humor :-)

So, without any further ado- 30 things I learned by 30:

1. Trampolines are fun no matter how old you are

2. I TOTALLY take back all the times I didn't want to nap when I was younger

3. Anytime that I decide to stay up late to do something fun, my child will either 1)wake up needing something right after I actually go to sleep or 2)think that 6:30 a.m. is breakfast time. Probably both.

4. It's ok if someone doesn't like me and has no bearing on how I feel about myself.

5. There is a lot that I DON'T know

6. Good intentions don't always yield good results and they don't justify bad decisions

7. What I want isn't always (or even usually) what God wants for me. Thankfully he knows better than I do. I have to remind myself of this everyday.

8. Take a deep breath- Nothing is as big of a deal as it seems to be at the moment.

9. Gilmore Girls is AWESOME and can always make me smile.

10. Sometimes you have to give yourself a break. Each situation has a good, better, and best action. Sometimes all I have in me is to accomplish "good" and that is ok.

11. All natural peanut butter rocks my world

12. Being a parent is the greatest blessing and the most difficult job EVER.

13. The things that frustrate me most about my child are things I dislike about myself

14. Don't buy cheap paper towels- It's not worth it.

15. Really true good friends are few and far between and they are a blessing from God.

16. Sometimes what people need to hear is not what they want to hear. A good friend will tell you what you need to hear.

17. I don't know where I'd be without 1) God and 2) my family. They see me at my worst and still love me.

18. Feeling competitive with friends is stupid and unfortunately common among women. Thankfully I outgrew this in my mid twenties.

19. Contentment is about attitude and not circumstance. I think I will learn this throughout life.

20. Cute shoes are worth the pain...maybe I'll change my opinion before 40

21. Don't look at other people's lives with envy or judgement. Everyone has their own "stuff" to deal with- including you.

22. If I focus on helping others, my problems are put into perspective

23. Laughter is the BEST medicine. Snorting rolling on the floor laughter. Hang onto the people that can take you there!

24. I cannot change anyone but myself

25. I have the cutest, funniest, and sweetest kid in the world!

26. Be honest. Lying to "protect" someone is often an excuse to do something you shouldn't.

27. Coffee is one of the greatest things EVER

28. Make new friends but keep the old- one is silver and the other gold (thank you girl scout days)

29. Regardless of what everyone says, remembering middle school math helps me shop and save $$ (says the math teacher!)

30. Don't wear socks unless you have too

There's my 30. But you know my mantra- Go Big Or Go Home!! So, here's one more that I have been learning throughout the past year-

31. Life is not about making me happy, but it is about making me holy (thankfully they are not mutually exclusive). My decisions need to be made on what I KNOW as truth and not on how I feel.

Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

by Casting Crowns

Psalm 40:11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me.

Can't Resist...

Brian's sister Stephanie was gracious enough to give me a ride back down to Kentucky after Brian and Jo left Wooster really early due to sickness. Thanks again Steph! Anyhoo, while she was visiting she showed me some hilarious pics of Jo that were taken a long time ago, but I laughed so hard that I had to share the progression with my faithful few. These were taken while Jo was with Gaga (Brian's mom) visiting Aunt Carrie's house. Hope these help you start your new year off with a laugh. Yes, these will be blown up at her graduation party.

Seriously, how could she not notice that?!!! btw- This would sooooo not be cute if she were much older. However, for now it is hilarious!

New Year....New Beginnings

The traditional Christmas posts with pictures will eventually be coming. Things have been a bit crazy around here for many reasons. I just got home from a 6 day trip up to Wooster to visit family and friends. All I will say about that for now is that I have never been so appreciative for the blessing of people who love me unconditionally. I am so blessed to have people who love me even when it's not easy. It's easy to love someone when things are great. People show their true colors when push comes to shove and life is no longer easy. Some people will turn their back. Some people will just be silent and watch you suffer. Other people will lay down there selfish desires and love you when you need it the most- not asking for anything in return. That is true love. That is true friendship.

Ok, now that I am off my soapbox- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I feel like 2011 is going to be an eventful year. I have no idea what the future holds for me. All I know is that I am ready for God to knock my socks off. I could use a little of that :-) So, for a small "new years" post I will leave you with the lyrics to the new Katy Perry song (ok, so all middle school teachers are really middle school kids at heart so don't be surprised that I love this song. Also, the lyrics are actually awesome. Don't judge!).

Here is to 2011...may we all remember who we are.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,

drifting through the wind

wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

like a house of cards,

one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?

6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed

So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, Oh, Oh"

You're gonna leave 'em falling down