One of the things on my mind today....

Underneath the stars

Just a simple man and wife

Somewhere in the dark

His words cut the silent night

Take my hand, for the child

That you carry is God's own

And though it may seem the road is long

We're not that far from Bethlehem

Where all our hope and joy began

For in our arms, we'll cherish Him

We're not that far, from Bethlehem

Let us celebrate

As the Christmas's go by

Learn to live our days

With our hearts near to the child

Ever drawn, ever close

To the only love that lasts

And though 2000 years have past

We're not that far from Bethlehem

Where all our hope and joy began

For in our arms, we'll cherish Him

We're not that far, from Bethlehem

Winter 2010

I am sure you can all relate to the hectic nature of the Christmas season. So, I apologize in advance for the lack of any quirky humor or irony in this post. It is going to be just a run-of-the-mill-how-the-millers-are-doing kind of post.

I do have to start by saying how much I LOVE the Christmas season. I love the baking, the shopping, the wrapping, the parties, the food, the friends, the decorations, and most of all the wonder of it all as we celebrate the CHRIST in Christmas. The thought of Him becoming man and living a sinless life to die on a cross for me (stupid, sinful, has-to-learn-the-hard-way me) still just baffles me. May we never lose the wonder and amazement of what Christmas is all about.

I think the best part of celebrating the season is watching Jo experience the excitement and wonder. Watching her learn about Jesus everyday as we do our advent calendar is amazing. They retain and understand so much more than we give them credit for. She also TOTALLY believes in Santa, which I love (and I don't care about any comments from those of you who disagree with this). This leads me to my post about what we've been up too:

Johanna had her first dance recital the other night. Her class danced to "All I Want For Christmas is You." Is was absolutely adorable. Of course, I may be biased, but other parents whose child wasn't in her class seemed to agree, so maybe it's not just me.

Jo ready to leave for her recital

Santa came to the recital and gave everyone candy canes. She was so excited!

The next night we went to an event at a local club called Spindle Top It was beautiful outside on the veranda with fires, hot chocolate, and cookies! They had a special visit with Santa (only 25 people total) where he came, read the Night Before Christmas, and then each child got to sit and talk with him. It was GREAT because there were only about 10 kids and most of them were friends of ours. Plus, the Santa was the type of Santa that just naturally looks like Santa. No fake beard. It just makes it seem so much more real!

Getting ready...it was cold out so we all had to bundle!

Dancing by the fire (do not try this at home)

Jo (and friends) REALLY enjoyed the hot chocolate and marshmallows...can you tell?

Santa reading The Night Before Christmas

Jo and friends listening to Santa

Jo and Santa...she just loved him!

After the Santa visit, we all loaded up into a shuttle and went to see the Southern Lights display which was cool (minus the hour+ wait to get in....yeah, not kidding. I would have left and gone home if I could have).

Regardless of any drama, I still LOVE this time of year. I can't wait for Saturday morning!

Paper cuts and Three Year Olds

Let me begin by saying that I will keep this short. The last two days have very possibly been some of the LOOOOOOONNNNNNGest days of my life. No major catastrophes, just annoyances repeated throughout the entire day....for two days straight. I know it could be worse, so I don't need anyone reminding me of that (even though I appreciate the sentiment....sort of). I know I should focus on my blessing and blah blah blah. But, ya know what, sometimes life just sucks. Yup. I said it. That doesn't mean I'm not grateful for the good things. What it does mean is that the only thing that would have made yesterday even more complete is paper cuts on my eyeballs. So, here's to tomorrow being another day and to a better attitude for me (or the annoying people).

Captivating.....

Wow....I am tired. We just got home from our trip up to O-H-I-O for Thanksgiving. It was great to see friends, celebrate with family, and of course continue my black Friday shopping tradition (a post for another day).

Part of my trip included finishing some work at my former house that we are renting to another family starting Dec. 1st. I walked out of "my house" for the last time on Friday night. I didn't realize how hard that would be. I will admit it....I cried. Actually, I sobbed. For those of you who know me, this is a HUGE deal. Let's just say I am not much of a crier, or shall I call myself "emotionally challenged." I have a tendency to stifle my emotions and hold everything inside. This time I couldn't. I have so many memories in that house....good and bad. Johanna came home there. She took her first steps there. She has grown up there. I grew a lot as a person there. I entered that house as a 24 year old college student and left as an almost 30 year old woman and mother. I don't know where I am going with this except to say....It was difficult.

While we are riding the emotional roller coaster, I want to share a couple excerpts from a book that I am currently rereading (it's been years and I don't remember most of it). I have to admit that I am not a huge fan of Christian books about woman. They usually leave me feeling a huge sense of failure for who I am as a woman and mother. They often provide another list of things to do that I can never live up too. Thankfully, the authors of this book don't like those books either which is why they (John and Stasi Eldredge) wrote the book Captivating- Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. I still have a difficult time with books that lump a HUGE category of people (like women) together and say we all have similar feelings and desires. However, so far I am ok with the intentions of this book. There have been a couple sections that have resonated with me thus far (I'm only on page 29). I thought I would share them with you......

"I remember when I was ten asking myself as well as older females in my life how a woman of God would actually be confident, scandalous, and beautiful, yet not portray herself as a feminist Nazi or an insecure I-need-attention emotional whore. How can I become a strong woman without becoming harsh? How can I be vulnerable without drowning myself in my sorrow?"

My FAV part so far (I think because it gave words to so many of my emotions...great for the emotionally challenged like myself). I have heard many other women echo these same sentiments throughout the years:

Unseen, Unsought, Uncertain

I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it- something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

After all, if we were better women- whatever that means- life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought- that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain- uncertain of what it even means to be a woman; uncertain of what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of is- whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder.

And in all the exhortations we have missed the most important thing of all. We have missed the heart of a woman.

Let's think on that for awhile.....

New Experiences in a New City...

While glancing through my blog, I realized it has been awhile since I have written a general update with pictures...sorry! While you may have better things to do, the mother in me chooses to think that pictures of my kid are worth your time. So, here goes.....

We've been in Kentucky for about 3 to 4 weeks. In one way it seems like we have been here longer than that, but in another way it shocked me to realize it has been that long. Johanna has adjusted well. She still gets confused sometimes and things we can just go see people who live up in Wooster, but for the most part she just says, "Wooster is far far away mommy." She still talks about her old house, but she really likes her new house. I think she really likes her new room. She never has any trouble adjusting to sleeping here (Thank God). Moving has taken it's tole on me, but I am recovering (I know most of you have been there). We are heading back up to Wooster for Thanksgiving week. Jo and I are heading up early to finish up work at the old house.

One of the great things about Lexington is that it has a lot more activities and things to do since it is a bigger city. Our first weekend here we went with my friend E an her daughter A to an early learners book club. It was very well done with activities, crafts, good stories, snacks and each child got to take one of the books they read home with them. It was kind of like an extended story-time from Wooster (with snacks!). We have had fun discovering new restaurants, and getting to hang out with great friends we normally don't get to see very often!

Firsts for Johanna:

My friend E and I took our girls to the ballet for the first time! It was so cute! It was 75 minutes which made me a little nervous, but it was very colorful and kid friendly. We had fun getting ready together. We played beauty parlor- did nails and hair. I LOVE having a girl who loves that stuff and still enjoys playing in the mud.....that's my kinda girl!

This was taken right after we got ready. Not sure what that face is, but she likes to make strange faces for pictures. Awesome.

Love those blue eyes (and my blue hair!!)

All ready in her nice coat!

The girls getting ready for the show to start at the Opera House. When it stated they both went "woooooooooow!" So worth it!

Last weekend my mom came down to visit for the weekend. It was GREAT. I got to take her to some of my favorite places, and Jo loved having her Gagi around. While my mom was here, we took Jo (only with two other friends and their 4 kids!) to see Aladdin back at the Opera House. This was her first play. The performance was great. Jo did pretty well. She had a few moments toward the end of the show when she wanted to go home because I remembered to bring her a snack, but I forgot her cup (mom of the year here). All the other kids were drinking and Jo just gobbled her PB crackers and then didn't have a drink. I felt bad. Oh well, it helped her build character.

The kids waiting for the show to start.

Jo and I at the show.

Just a pic I wanted to add. This was taken in October at my Grandpa's Birthday Party in Michigan.

That is just a small snapshot of what we have been doing since we left good ol' Wooster, Ohio. I wish I had time to write more, but I am off to a play-date at a local pottery place. Pictures to come!

Spirit of the Season

We will pause from our regularly scheduled blogging of complaints and frustration for this important announcement:

I cannot believe that it is almost the middle of November. This is my absolute favorite time of year for so many reasons.

1) LOVE the weather! It was warm today (mid 70's) but beautiful. Jo got to play with friends in the leaves all afternoon....one of the greatest joys of being a kid!

2) Thanksgiving is one of my two favorite holidays (bet you'd never guess the other). Even though my life has plenty of challenges (that you hear all about on this blog), I have MUCH to be thankful for. I am very blessed. Plus, I make a really mean pumpkin pie.

3) I LOVE shopping on Black Friday. It was a family tradition growing up. I have a lot of fond memories with my family going out in the middle of the night to get in line. We would always celebrate our savings (and survival) over breakfast. The beauty of black Friday is that you can get all your Christmas shopping done by 8 a.m.!! Did I mention that it's AWESOME!

4) I love fall food. You might ask, "What is fall food?" I am talking fall veggies like butternut and acorn squash. I especially love that it starts feeling like "soup weather." I love me a good soup. My dad's recipe for butternut squash soup is the best. Yummo! I think I know one of the things I am making for dinner next week.

5) It is the beginning of a really fun (and crazy busy) time of year. I especially love watching Jo celebrate the holidays (minus the bratty consumer moments). Children can have such beautiful hearts. Plus, tis the season for baking, and we all know how I feel about that :-)

6) I heart coffee everyday of the year. However, it seems especially enjoyable to me on a crisp fall day...sitting outside in my jammies enjoying the crisp cool air and a hot steamy cup-o-joe. Ahhhhh....

Those are just a few of the reasons why I really cherish this time of year.

I am sure we will return to the regular scheduled programming soon ;-)

I'm back....sort of

I would like to welcome myself back to the world of blogging. I am sure that my absence was more painful for me than anyone else! I always forget how much blogging helps me process and deal with different areas in my life. Plus, this is WAY cheaper than seeing my shrink every day.

I am officially a Kentuckian. The move that got in put in motion over 8 months ago has finally happened. I still haven't sold the house up in Wooster, and I am thinking of renting it. A decision will have to be made within the next few weeks.

For those of you who know me well (I apologize in advance), you know that I do not do well when I feel like things are out of control. So, moving isn't exactly a picnic for me. I should be a pro by now with this being our ninth move. I will say that I am a pretty darn good packer. The house got packed up in 3 days (minus Jo). We drove down and unloaded on Friday (the 22nd), and I was unpacked by Tuesday night. So, I think you can safely assume how I spent most of my time in between. A big thank you to everyone who helped me during this process :-)

I did get out for some fun. I took Jo to an Early Learners Book Club on Sat. morning with my friend Erin and her daughter Annabelle. Then, I had lunch at a great place called Doodles with Erika and her three kiddos. Johanna loves having so many built-in playmates down here already!

I headed back up to Wooster on Wednesday to pack up a few little last minute things in our old basement and organize the storage unit. Plus, we had tickets to two football games over the weekend. I had a blast getting to visit some great people who I miss dearly already. We returned to KY last night. I am ready to do a whole lot of NOTHING. Unfortunately, there is a bathroom to be painted and some new boxes to unpack. I have three letters for you- UGH.

I am glad to be back. I don't feel like myself yet. I don't normally complain. However, a new top ten list might help me feel better. I'm a little grumpy, so this is your warning that it might not be suitable for children or adults who don't get sarcasm.

Top Ten Things for me To $itch about:

1. Moving- need I say more

2. I'm sick- could be from Jo....or the half tub of cookie dough I ate last night.

3. My hair has been a real pain in the butt- I blame this on the change of weather and water, but it still sucks.

4. I'm tired- thank God the coffee pot got unpacked last week.

5. I miss people- nothing nice to put next to this

6. I need to shower and my bathroom got torn apart while I was gone....and not finished.

7. I reiterate everything that goes with #1

8. I feel a headache coming on, and I am out of Migraine medicine....and I don't have a doctor here yet.

9. My house is a mess

10. I don't feel like doing anything and that stresses me out.

So, sorry I am not my usual chipper self. But, sometimes life stinks (in which case you should read this). Cuteness to come- Johanna was the most adorable bumble bee for Halloween! I am going to go unpack my boots.....for some reason that makes me happy :-)

FREEZE...

I have been tagged. If you know me, then you know I cannot resist playing along when games are involved! Plus, I have been in the car for about 10 of the last 36 hours. Did I mention my 3 year old was with me. Ummmm, yeah. That means I need some adult conversation (about 3 bottles of wine) and you are being forced to be my friend.

1. What is your biggest pet peeve?

So many to chose from. Hmmmmmm...It does agitate me when the toilet paper gets put on backward (at least backwards to my world!). Ok folks, it should go over, not under. Under means you can spin the roll over and over and not get the end to hang loose so you can pull the toilet paper. Let's just say that I don't like to spend extra time with my face over the toilet that my child just (use your imagination here)'ed in trying to unroll the toilet paper.

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

I would love to live near a beach. Somewhere that has pretty consistent nice weather. I think it would just facilitate a healthy and energetic lifestyle for my family verses trying to get outside in NE Ohio's Winters......UGH.

3. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

No. Probably should have been at some point ;-)

4. What is the one thing on your mind right now?

WANT TO SLEEP!

5. Favorite song right now?

Hmmmm.....tough one. I really like listening to music so this is difficult. I like all different types of music too. I will say that I have always really liked the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Lisa Loeb. I know that doesn't really answer the question, but that's the best I got!


6. What talent do you wish you had?

I have always wished that I could play the guitar. I only know like 5 chords and it is pretty bad.

7. Favorite drink?

Here's the rundown-

Morning: water and coffee (the stronger the better)

The rest of the day it is usually water or a diet pop as an occasional treat. Coffee is often splattered throughout the rest of the day as well depending on the need.

For a night out or just because- I really enjoy wine (nothing too sweet) or anything with tequila. Yes, I am a tequila girl. I also like a very flavorful beer (usually dark).

8. In one word, how would you describe yourself?

So many options here... I don't think there is one word. Energetic, maybe? I am definitely a work in progress. If I had to use one word to describe me today, it would be TIRED!!!


Now, for the really fun part! I get to tag eight other people to play along. Thanks for thinking of me Jamey!

I pick:

1) Sarah (known her since birth!)

2) Jen (The more I get to know her, the more I love her!!)

3) Janna (Never seen her annoyed...would love to know her pet peeve!!)

4) Sam (Just moved and is very busy, but I miss reading her posts)

5) Summer (Life long friend who has a whole lot going on!)

6) Amanda (Someone who I love seeing and reading!!)

7) Erika (busy mom who I will see a whole lot more soon! YAY!!)

8) Amy D (You don't have a blog and this is a reason to start one. You are hilarious, and I would read it every day!!!)

Playing Around....LoL/ LoL

Some friends of mine, Jamey and Katy, are doing a blog series called LoL/ LoL which stands for Lots of Littles/Lots of Laughs. They both have lots of littles and lots of laughs, so I HIGHLY recommend that you click on their names and check out their blogs!

I, on the other hand, do not have lots of littles, but the little one I do have is FULL of laughs. I guess you could say that I can try to participate at about 50% (gotta keep my math teach skills sharp). Today's posts are still introductory posts. I invite you to stick around and you may even learn something new about me.

1. If you weren't a SAHM what do you think you'd miss the most?
This is pretty easy for me since I haven't been a SAHM for very long. I would miss the random hugs and snuggles throughout the day. I would miss the hilarious things that Jo says every 5 minutes (that I forget 5 seconds later). However, the thing I would miss the most would be Jo waking me up every morning. She is my alarm clock, and she wakes me up in a different way each day. It may be a song or an animal noise. She may try to scare me (not my favorite). Today it was by being an owl. There is nothing better than waking up to see her smiling face 2 inches from mine every morning. Well, it might be better if it were after 8.

2. Do you have a favorite family ritual?
It is sad for me to admit that I can't think of a ritual for our whole family. Every since I had Johanna, Brian and I have been on pretty opposite schedules. This equaled little to no time when all three of us were together at once. It was hard. This is why Brian made the career change and started his own business, and I am now a SAHM. However, we have basically been living in two different states since he started the business in March. Jo and I are set to move down in a few weeks, so I hope to add to the list of family rituals soon.

However, I have several rituals with Jo that I LOVE. One would be Movie Night. I let her pick the movie, we lay on the floor, and we eat ice cream and other treats for dinner during the movie. It equals a later and sometimes dicey bedtime, but it is a total blast!

3. Are you the only cook in your house?
Yes and no. I would say I cook about 95% of the time. Brian can cook and will do the occasional specialty lasagna or BBQ ribs (which he loves to do). I am definitely the day to day cook. I really enjoy cooking and baking for my family. However, Brian always runs the grill. I have never touched the grill except to buy it for him!

4. Are you a good housekeeper?
Not quite sure how to answer this... I guess I would say yes. I hold myself to standards that I would NEVER hold anyone else to in that area. It is part of my perfectionism that my counselor (yes, I am in therapy) is working with me on right now. It is a control issue for me, and it's not a good thing. Going into this is a whole other can of worms for another day....

5. What do you and your husband do for couple time?
We don't have much of this right now with the whole different states thing going on. When we do see each other we like to have date nights with dinner and a movie or maybe some shopping. We watch Community and The Office together every week and might be adding Outsourced to that list. I love Thursday T.V.!!

6. What's the one parenting rule that you never break?
Hmmmmmm...this is tough one. I have broken most of my rules at least once. I am pretty big on respect for others...especially adults. As a teacher I dealt with TOO MANY kids that never learned to live under authority. She definitely knows that there is an order of authority. Mommy and Daddy are in charge of her. God is in charge of mommy and daddy. Johanna is in charge of her "aminals" (meaning stuffed animals). She tells me this everyday.

7. What do you want your kiddos to grow up knowing?
I want her to know that God loves her unconditionally, and that NOTHING can separate her from that love. I spend a lot of time reminding her that Mommy and Daddy will ALWAYS love her NO MATTER WHAT and that she is a beautiful person inside and out. I want her to know that we ALL make poor decisions, but they don't define who we are unless we let them.

8. What role does faith play in your life?
Faith definitely plays a central role in my life. That is not to say that I don't make the occasional (hourly or more frequent) mistake. I would like to say that my faith directs every area of my life, but my control-freakish self stands in the way a lot (sorry about that God). Thankfully, I am a redeemed child of God, and somehow He loves me despite all the crap I do/ think/ say.

9. What's the most important item in your home?
I would DEFINITELY feel the most lost without my laptop and my cell phone. I am a notorious txt'er and I am often preoccupied with facebook or blogs. I also LOVE researching things on the Internet. For some reason it makes me feel knowledgeable.

10. Are there any more kids in your future?
I hope so! God willing I would definitely like to have more kids.

11. Where do you see yourself five years from now?
I am moving out of state in less than 5 weeks, so five years is hard to imagine. I have learned that whenever I speculate about what my life will look like, God likes to have a good laugh. I have gone through so much in the last 5 months that I will admit that I have NO IDEA where I see myself in 5 years. That is a HUGE statement from a control freak planner like me. That's all I have to say about that.

Thanks for reading a snapshot into the life of Rachel. I am glad to see you made it out in one piece (I am not sure about whether or not I will!). You are all invited to play along!! Link your blogs to ours and leave a comment so we can find our way to you, answer in my comment section. Enhance our feeling of community! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Tastes of Fall......

The move date was/ is set. Originally we were set to move into the house in Lexington on Oct. 15th. However, that date has gotten pushed back to the 22nd. I definitely feel like I am scrambling to see a lot of people and do a lot of things before I leave.

Here are a few pics of the house for the curious folk:

Front of house... bet you couldn't tell (hehe!)

Fenced in backyard with a small patio and deck

Part of the living room (looking at the front door) taken from the dining room/ kitchen area. It's a pretty open concept.

Fireplace in the living room. It's wood-burning which is what I like :-)

Part of the kitchen

The rest of the kitchen. I am CELEBRATING counter space!! For those of you who know me, you know that I LOVE to cook and bake. The kitchen in our house in Wooster is...well, let's just say it doesn't have as much counter space.

Third bedroom which we will use as a guest room and office area as well.

I copied the rest from the website as one huge picture, so I will list what you are looking at:

1) Dining room right off of the kitchen (basically one huge room)

2) Upstairs full bath that will be right next to Jo's room

3) Downstairs half bath

4- 6) All Pics of the master bedroom. Yes, it has it's own bath and walk in closet. I am in HEAVEN!

7-8) 2nd bedroom which will be Jo's room

I am actually really relieved that we are just renting while for now. I know that it means another move in the future, but I am not ready to buy another house. We signed a pretty long lease (over a year) so at least I know we will be there long enough that it is worth getting really settled. The people we are renting from are awesome (same boat as us- couldn't sell their house so they decided to rent it out). They don't care if we paint or anything. Plus, we can get a dog without any extra charge. Which is good b/c we are planning on getting Jo a puppy for Christmas. That is a topic for a post another day!!

Today was Johanna's last gymnastics class here. So, of course she asked if we could make cookies for everyone. I stupidly said yes and even told her that she could pick the kind. She chose cut-outs before I could tell her that she could choose anything she wanted besides cut- outs. They are just so much work! I suppose I could swallow my pride and not do everything from scratch. Lets face it folks, that's not going to happen....call it the masochistic side of my personality. So, we made heart cut-outs last night as well as pumpkin muffins and chocolate pumpkin bread. I figure if I'm going to make my kitchen a wreck, I might as well make as much as I can! She is such a good helper in the kitchen. She LOVED cutting out the cookies and putting them on the baking sheet. This morning she helped me make pink butter cream frosting. I frosted and she decorated with all sorts of sprinkles and candies (all while sampling of course). By the time we got to gymnastics she was so hopped up on sugar.....let's just say she had a little extra bounce today. I am sure her teacher was very thankful. I made sure to leave her 4 cookies and 2 muffins as penance.

I wish that I didn't love to bake and eat. One without the other would be better for my jeans. I always say my jeans don't lie (sung to the tune of hips don't lie by Shakira).

Meanwhile, we are back at home. Cookies and muffins were shared. Jo has crashed from all the sugar and is half asleep on the big comfy chair in our living room. My kitchen is a wreck and I have frosting and sprinkles all over the dining room (which has carpet). I went to clean up, and I realized that this was probably the last time I will make cut-outs (and have to clean up the ensuing mess) in my house.

I love my house. I worked hard to make this house what it is. I have so many memories of baking in this house. It is in this house where I developed my love for cooking and baking. Before here I thought I didn't like to cook. It was hamburger helper or rice-a-roni....a lot! I am ready to say good-bye to this house, my first house, but I still know it will be sad. This is the house Johanna came home to that chilly February day (It was 2007 Superbowl Sunday and it was FREEZING. I'm talking subzero temps...which I will not miss). I have so many memories in this house.....good and bad, but mostly good.

I know that I will take the memories with me wherever I go. I hope that whoever lives here here next enjoys it as much as I have. It's a great house.

This whole post feels very random, but I think I know where it all started. As I was cooking yesterday, I kept thinking about how much I love fall. It is my favorite season. I love baking with fall tastes of pumpkin and apple. I love the changing leaves and the cooler temperatures and crisp air. Everything that comes with fall just feels so different than summer or winter. It is such a beautiful transition....beautiful way to experience change. Tastes of fall make me think of tastes of change.

So, I will take that attitude into the much bigger change that is happening in my life and realize that transition can be beautiful.

Witty Wednesday

Johanna, like many three year old children (who NEVER stop talking), if full of little pearls of wisdom that make parenting a toddler slightly more humorous than torturous. Haven't we all had those moments when we were so frustrated but then they do or say something that is sooooo inappropriate (and usually takes place in public) that we have to turn away so they don't see us laughing. This could range from doing the "booty pop" (no idea where she learned this) to asking mommy to play Ke$ha from her ipod while at church.

Today's completely appropriate moment of course took place in the car where nobody could witness that I do actually teach my child things that don't involve dancing or lyrics that at age 15 would keep her locked in her room until she was 35. On the way home from my dad's house (affectionately known as papi) Johanna was being louder than normal. Normal would be incessant talking that ranges between 4 and 5 on the Richter scale. This is defined as "Noticeable shaking of indoor items, rattling noises. Significant damage unlikely." Today's talking (singing/ pirate chanting) was more around a 5- 6 (Can cause major damage to poorly constructed buildings over small regions. At most slight damage to well-designed buildings.). Her sing-song event eventually turned into a very dramatic version of fake sneezes which apparently are very humorous to people under the age of 4. When I, frustrated and tired....... I mean- quiet and calm, asked her to quiet down and told her that sneezes weren't that loud, she said, "But mom, that's the way Jesus made them."

Nice. So glad that Jesus makes it in there in the car while Ke$ha gets the stage at church.

Beauty for Ashes

This songs has really been speaking to me lately, so I thought I would share it with you. Hope it sends some encouragement your way as well.

Beauty for Ashes by Crystal Lewis

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When what youve done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound Ive been set free
Ive been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

Learning Hurts

I have to admit that I have been going through a painful learning and growing process these past few months. I have learned many things about myself some of which aren't the greatest....but I'm working on that. I also have been reminded about how strong I am, and that I have amazing people in my life that will help me when the going gets tough.

I guess that's why this post is somewhat painful to write. One of the things that I am working on is being more real with people that are trustworthy. People that I should be real with. I usually want to just gloss over my feelings and make it look like everything is perfect. I have found that most other people like that as well. It makes me neat and clean....not needy, and not difficult to deal with.

Unfortunately, underneath it all I actually have feelings (don't die of shock...this is actually REALLY hard for me to admit). I do get bothered by things. My feelings get hurt just like other people. I still am not exactly the oversensitive type. I don't get ruffled easily, but it does happen. When it does happen I need to be able to admit that it happens.

I am grateful that I have people who have seen me for who I am ....the good, the bad, and the ugly, and still love me unconditionally. People who would give anything for me when times are good or bad. People who I don't have to explain my feelings to because they already "get it", and people who somehow know what I need without me always having to ask for it.

So, if you have even one person in your life that fits this glorious description....be grateful. They are precious gems that are a blessing to find and should be treasured for a lifetime. They can never be replaced. They grow in value as years go by. Their worth cannot be measured.

Favorite F-words

In honor of Friday and the beginning of the Fair. I find it fitting that I make a list of all my favorite f-words.....

1. Family (what a blessing)
2. Fantastic (I say this all the time. It's a bit ridiculous)
3. Fabulous (A close second to Fantastic)
4. Fried Cheese on a Stick (the most AMAZING fair food ever. SERIOUSLY.)
5. Fun (my middle name)
6. Friends (love them and am so blessed)
7. Football (LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! Go BUCKS tomorrow!)
8. Fair (love me some cheese on a stick. Plus, it's a great way to get an ego boost. Have you seen some of those people?! )
9. French Fries (Fair style WITH vinegar please)
10. Fusion (the BEST workout class EVER in the history of mankind)
11. Funnel Cake (I actually prefer an elephant ear, but Brian does like himself some funnel cake!)
12. Funny (I humor myself on a regular basis)
13. Friday (The day that leads into the weekend is always a good thing!)
14. Freak (Probably my most used "not nice" word. Other drivers are often one of these.)

Feel free to add to my list! Have a Fabulous and Fantastic Fall Friday :-)

Bathroom reading...

I don't know what it is about 3 year olds, but I am learning that they can often be obsessed with going to the bathroom. This, of course, is only true when we are in public and when I have a cart full of groceries at the opposite end of the store. I have heard friends talk about this bathroom syndrome as well. I am starting to wonder if it is mostly girls too. My friends with boys haven't appeared to have the same problem.

I think the kids know they "have us" because they know we don't want to discourage them using the bathroom. I have actually had to make the rule that we cannot only use the public restroom more than 2 times during any one trip to that place. Seriously.

The other side of this dilemma (beside the obvious annoyance of having to take her to the bathroom ALL THE TIME) is that Jo is just now starting to become more independent in the bathroom. She actually goes into the stall by herself and I wait right outside the stall (and in her mind I AM NOT permitted to even touch the door while she is in there...good thing I know better than to leave my 3 year old in charge). In some ways this is fantastic. I still have to check the stall and put toilet paper down, but other than that it is a little easier than helping her through the whole routine. However, new problems have presented themselves due to this situation.

1. There is the possible locking of the door. I have told her repeatedly NOT to lock the door while she is in there. As you know, 3 years olds always listen, so I was shocked when she locked the door one day while in the Buehlers bathroom. This in and of itself isn't that big of a deal. The big deal came when she COULDN'T unlock the door to get out. I tried coaching her through the task while all the elderly ladies coming in and out gave me sympathetic smiles that hid (not really)their amusement with the situation. I told God that I would really like to draw the line at crawling on the bathroom floor surrounded by other people. As mothers we are asked to embarrass ourselves on a daily basis, but this was a bit much for me. Thankfully, God took pity on me, and Jo got the door open. I will take pity if it save me from crawling on the nasty floor. Did I mention I was wearing a dress?
2. There are all new options for getting into trouble while left alone in the stall. Usually, she will just do her business. But, there is always the possibility of taking WAY too much toilet paper or pulling the emergency cord while using the bathroom at the hospital. Yup, that's right. While visiting my sis-in-law at the hospital yesterday (she had a beautiful baby girl!), Johanna used the bathroom in the room several times. She save the best for last when she pulled the emergency cord next to the toilet. The nurse came rushing in (at least we know it works), and I had to have another talk with Jo about the only things we touch in the bathroom.

Maybe Jo has a future in product testing and development. She would be good at that.

A new kind of normal..

I am so grateful for all the people who have been supporting me and checking-in on me since the school year has begun. I have been readily reminded of how many wonderful people I have in my life- what a true blessing. I figured I would write a quick post about this.

For my readers who don't know what is going on: I taught 7th grade at Rittman Middle School for two years, but resigned from my job at the end of last year because Brian started his own business in Lexington, KY and we were needing to move. At that point I never anticipated still being around wooster when school started again. I LOVE still getting to hang out with all my really close friends here. However, it was definitely weird to be around when a lot of them were getting ready to go back to the classroom.

Overall, I will really just miss the people I worked with as well as being a professional and knowing my opinion counted for something. I really love the education field, and I know I will return one day. On the flip side, I really love getting to be home with Johanna. I have noticed a HUGE improvement in her because of this. I know that I am doing the right thing for her. I am finding ways to keep very busy (or I wouldn't be me!) and am reconnecting to the daytime community of other moms. I am doing things for myself again....which feels great.

Yesterday was the first day with students. I wanted to know how the day went, but I didn't desire to be teaching it. This is right for me for now, and I am going to enjoy it! I decided to home school Johanna for preschool since our life is kind of in limbo right now. I spent her rest time yesterday writing a week's worth of lesson plans. Yes, I am still a teacher at heart! It is going to be fun, and I am enjoying getting to utilize my vast organizational skills :-)

I guess that is all for now. Sorry, nothing witty or thought provoking. Just an update on us....and we are good.

Syndromes...mine or my child's?

Life with a 3 year old....definitely a new kind of normal to say the least! Why is it that some parents, or should I say "I", always try to have our kid(s) avoid the life defining characteristics that society may deem "not the best". What the heck does society know anyway? Have you taken a good look around out there lately? I have been to Walmart at 11 p.m.....I know what society looks like, so I am not sure why I even care!

Where is this coming from you may ask.....there is a newsflash coming: JOHANNA IS AN ONLY CHILD. That's right. I said it. Go ahead and assume what you want about any possible reasoning, but the bottom line remains the same. I find myself constantly talking about this point with everyone...including the mom just standing next to me at the library. I haven't decided whether it is just me being self conscious about the fact that she is an only child, societies pressure to have more than one child, or a combination of both.

Regardless, I have decided that I am tired of fighting the battle of taming those "unwanted" only child characteristics everyone is always talks about. So, here are some notes of importance to people who are unsure of this only child thing...

1. She does know how to play with other kids. She was in the care of other people with other children during the school year since the time she was born. But even if that weren't true...she would be FINE. Good grief people, it's not like we're hermits. There are children for her to play with EVERYWHERE from cousins to play-dates with friends to library fun.

2. She does know how to play by herself. She has time everyday where she gets to entertain herself. We call it "rest time" since she still still takes a nap during that time at least a few days a week. But, sometimes she just plays. The only rule is that she has to stay in her room (and not play with her non dress-up clothes, and not get into her closet, and not play with her curtains, and not call for me unless blood is involved...I guess more than one rule). She does this very well. I would like to say that I do this to teach her creativity and to have the ability to entertain herself, but lets face it- 75% of the reason for "rest time" is called MOMMY'S SANITY.

3. She does get a lot of individual attention. IS THIS SUCH A BAD THING PEOPLE? What do you want me to do...ignore her? When she asks me a question, am I supposed to pause for an extra 30 seconds and pretend that I have another child I am dealing with? The fact that she gets a lot of individual attention does not mean that I don't teach her what I see as common manners, sharing skills, patience, and to not interrupt when adults are speaking. What it does mean is that she could tell the difference between a pentagon and a hexagon at age 2...not because she is a genius but because she has a math teacher mom who is her number one playmate.

4. She still watches T.V. sometimes. I TOTALLY admit that having one child at this age isn't nearly as difficult as having more than one. DO YOU HEAR ME???? I KNOW THIS!! She can do a lot for herself and it is usually pretty easy to leave the house. However, I do tire just like most human beings, and have been known to occasionally let her watch TV. Ok, she watches some pretty much everyday. Guess I can kiss good-bye the Mother of the Year Award. Oh well. Let me pause while I shed a tear...ok, done.

5. Lastly, I am still allowed to talk about how dealing with a high energy 3 year old can be difficult. That DOESN'T mean that I am saying my life is harder than yours, so I DON'T need some comment about how I should try doing it with 2 or 3 of them. That is NOT PRODUCTIVE. Why do moms always feel like they have to be so DARN competitive? Can't we just be there for each other instead of feeling like we should point out how we've had it worse?Geez.

6. If and when I have more children is pretty much not anyone business. I personally think that having another kid just so that Johanna isn't an only child is a pretty lousy reason to have another baby....at least without considering all other life circumstances. I mean, how would you like that to be your story?

"Mom and Dad, Jonny's parents were telling the story about when they decided to try to have him. They told him their family felt like something was missing, and he was it....the missing puzzle piece. Is that why you had me?"

"No. Sorry sweetie. We just thought your older sister was possibly bored or that she would generate better personality characteristics is she wasn't an only child."

That would make me feel GREAT.

I guess my bottom line is that I think we, as moms, should give ourselves a little grace about how we handle our children (no matter how many we have). Let's face it, we will never do everything right in other people's eyes, but do we really care?

Things I am learning....

You will have to stay tuned for more stories of life with a toddler. Today I will leave you with two quotes that have been important to me...

"As long as you're running in the right direction- to Jesus- you'll find the grace and strength you will need." - Joe Stowell

"Jesus is the one to run to when our lives bring grief and pain. He provides His strength and guidance with a peace we can't explain." - Sper

What to say...

Good news blog- I don't have much to say! That is extremely good news for me because it means that things have been a bit more calm lately. I so appreciate everyones thoughts and prayers as I have been and continue to go through such a stressful time. I have never been more thankful for my family and friends. It is always interesting to see who really comes through to be there for you when push comes to shove. Sometimes it's not who you would expect and the people you would expect to be there are nowhere to be found.

I do have one things to talk about. I have been helping out with middle school volleyball conditioning this past week. Today was my second time helping. I have been having the girls do some P90X workouts to get in-shape for the upcoming season. Mostly, I have been watching to see some dedication and REAL effort. On Monday, I had the girls do the Cardio X workout. It's not too bad, but nothing in P90X is easy (I know some of you know this!). Today I had them do the mother of all workouts- Plyometrics. It is a KILLER workout. I am happy to report that most of the girls tried pretty hard. They were exhausted at the end. I don't quite think they get the point of trying to push themselves, but we'll keep working on that. We probably could have had a slip-n-slide on the gym floor with all the sweat. I was literally sliding around during the cool down. Are knees supposed to sweat? I looked like I had just gotten out of the shower. It was very attractive.

The SAD thing is that I (who haven't worked out hard core in several months) could run those girls into the ground (and I told/showed them so). What is happening to our youth that an almost 30 year old is in better shape than a group of middle schoolers? A lot of them look like they should be in good shape, but then they putter out about 1/4 of the way through. I remember spending my middle school summers running around outside, riding my bike everywhere, and staying out late to play flashlight tag. Maybe I should be thanking my parents for never letting me play video games, giving me tv coupons (so I could only watch so much tv a week), and paying me extra allowance to watch NO tv and read extra books for one month out of each summer (way to go Dad!).

I hereby promise to make Johanna ride her bike to friends houses so they can play OUTSIDE. I promise to make her use tv coupons and stick to it even when she is driving me insane whining about wanting to watch a show when the coupons are gone. I promise that she will be able to outrun me when she is in middle school (I will be almost 40 then....AHHHHH). I promise that someone will need to remind me of these promises!

Finding Mommy-

I feel like I have begun to rediscover myself as a mommy lately. Things were so crazy during the house prep and with the other stresses we have been going though...well, let's just say that I am not exactly in the running for Mother-of-the-Year. I have been feeling more like my picture would be posted on some new mom training site as an example of what not to do.

The good news is that I think a lot of this has been less obvious to Jo. She has just assumed mom was "grumpy" a little more often than normal. Since things have calmed down a bit, I have taken more time to actually "be" with her instead of just being around her. It has been fabulous :)

I am not trying to say that everything is always great now. She still frustrates me past the point of sanity and asks a million questions a day (many that I have already answered at least 5 times). She still makes messes a lot and whines even more (really working on this one-will keep you posted).

But, she also gives the best hugs. The kind where she just wraps her arms around my neck and picks her feet up off the ground. She has the BEST smile..a little crooked like her halo. Her laugh is contagious and she is constantly trying to make me laugh. She is quite the comedian. She loves to dance and sing and get others to join in the fun. She bounces wherever she goes and when I am calm enough to not be frustrated with her energy I realize that she is JUST LIKE ME!

God has the best sense of humor. Many people who knew me growing up comment on how much Jo is like me. I think they think of the tough things like the fact that she tries to be super manipulative (even at the age of 3!), is high energy pretty much all the time, and likes to be the center of attention. I like to think about her love for others- like whenever someone is crying she wants to give them a hug, rub their back, and really cares about what is bothering them. She is a great comforter. She loves going to church and learning about her friend Jesus (whom she is constantly looking for). Her laugh and smile light up a room, and her sense of humor brightens my every day. She is friendly to everyone and has a way of making others feel special.

So....when people tell me I got what I deserved- I'd like to think they are right.

In honor of Jo, here is a top ten of her favorite things to do so far this summer-

1. Go swimming
2. Play with cousins
3. Eat Popsicles
4. Ride bikes
5. Dance
6. Watch movies or new shows with mommy
7. Watch music videos on mommy's computer
8. Dig for worms
9. Catch lightening bugs
10. Play pirates with mommy (you should have seen our pirate ship made out of a Dora chair...pretty sweet)

Agitation Part 2

I think that the open houses went well. I am just glad that a lot of the work is done..... for now. I feel like I can start to live again....I hope.

Short sweet and to the point-

Agitation number 2- People who are what I like to call "masters of the obvious."

This can come in various forms. Sometimes I think that people can fall into this category because they don't want to appear narcissistic even though they know full well that people were talking about them. I mean, really folks. Lets just own up to what we all know is true. You don't need to overstate the obvious.

The best example I can come up with about this one occurred when I was pregnant. I absolutely HATED going anywhere the last weeks of my pregnancy. There were the comments. Those of you who have kids know exactly what I am talking about. Comments such as-

• "Oh, no baby yet?"
• "You're still around huh?"
• "What are you doing here?"
• "When is that baby coming out?"
• "Still pregnant, huh?"

It's a good thing the people wanted to clear up the fact that I was still pregnant b/c the over 8lb kid squirming around in my stomach didn't make it obvious or anything. I know they meant well, and probably really cared...or at least wanted to pretend to care which is more than some people (should we be masters of the obvious and try to guess who I am talking to here?!).

Bottom line advice for me (as in advice for everyone else too!)- I will try not to state things that are obvious. Also, if I have a pretty strong feeling that someone is talking about me, I am probably right. Good mental notes here folks.

Agitation...

So I decided that instead of wishing for circumstances that lead to blogs about puppies and flowers maybe I should continue my dramatic "angry girl" semi-witty blogging that seems to be so enjoyed by my friends (thanks guys!). I guess this is a very real side of me (having a contempt for the human race) that I don't normally let out until you have known me for awhile. Usually things are all puppies and flowers until the friendship has moved to the "you know way too much about me and I know way too much about you to ever stab you in the back" stage.

I'm not sure what got me thinking about today's agitation of choice, but here it is......

So, I really hate when people find a way to unload serious emotional baggage on you when they know that you have NO WAY to respond to the situation. SERIOUSLY. If you look up "selfish" in the dictionary, I am pretty sure that you will find a picture of such people.

Examples..I know you want examples. Everyone always wants examples (I think that goes along with the teacher side of me. The whole...."I don't care how you do it as long as you can explain it to me or give me an example" thing.).

Example One- People who call you and unload IMPORTANT information when they KNOW that you cannot talk back (i.e. you are with other people that cannot/ should not hear what you are talking about). Seriously folks....people do this to make themselves feel better. They get to say their piece while the other person gets to say "uh-huh, yeah." So they get to feel better and the other person is left feeling like they would rather be licking one of those shards-o-glass freeze pops from the anti-tobacco ads. How about actually calling back when you know the other person can talk. Rocket science, I know.

Example Two- People who send you information by email/txt that you do not know how to respond to. Should you email/txt them back or will that create some sort of drama. Tone can be difficult to detect from an email or txt. Do they want you to write back? Do they want to be left alone? Good GRIEF people...just SAY how the other person can respond. Say- "hey, if you have questions or need to talk about this further you can call me from 2 to 4." Or how about even a simple, "call if you have questions or concerns." DON'T leave people not knowing what their options are b/c it will have them going for a second shards-o-glass freezer pop.

I think that two examples is sufficient for now. I'm sure I will have a new agitation for you soon.

The big day...

So, tomorrow our realtor is bringing all the agents from her office through our house, and then we have a "for real" open house on Thursday. It is hard to believe that all of this is finally taking place. I have been working so hard for the past month, and I am happy that the end of "house projects 301" is in sight. I am forever indebted to friends and family for all their help. I have had an amazing support network, and I couldn't have gotten through the last couple months without them (so sappy, I know). So, to those of you who have been there with tools in hand, toys in tote, or ears willing to listen........thanks.

Lately...

Our house is officially on the market as of tomorrow. We have two open houses this week and probably some more showings. While this is a good thing in theory, I have to admit that I am completely overwhelmed with bringing all the of house projects to completion and keeping up with all the regular stuff (laundry etc.). I HATE admitting that I cannot do everything, so this is a pretty big thing for me to say. So, here is a run down on some things that I realized since the last time I wrote-

1. You should not try to spray paint anything inside the house
2. Coccia House pizza is still the BEST
3. A tired 3 year old can be more difficult to handle than a dull knife stabbing me in the eye
4. I think I know more than half of the people working at Lowes
5. If you have to go to the same store more than 3 times on the same day, they should give you a prize
6. I am SOOOOOOO thankful for amazing friends and family
7. Losing touch with people who are important to you SUCKS
8. When you are trying to sell your house you should buy stock in cleaning products
9. I should take people up on all offers of help
10. I am thankful that my daughter should have no memory of how awful I have been as a mom during the past month

Thanks for sticking with me through all the drama. One day my posts will be happier..........I hope!!

Bribery....I mean Parenting

Since I am so sick of Johanna's lack of going to bed skills, I pulled a parenting hail mary. Yup, I bribed her. I guess I do this more than I would like. I try really hard to teach her to obey because it is what is best for her and not because she will receive some extrinsic reward. However, I think I have mentioned that my child is 3 and desperate times call for desperate measures. I found these adorable child-sized press-on nails on clearance the other day. I bought them knowing exactly what I was going to use them for------an attempt at nighttime peace.

The good news is that so far I have not had to go up there again. The bad news is that it is still early and I probably cursed myself by posting this.

Why I am changing my name...

If you've ever had "one of those" evenings with your child, then this is the post for you. If you have every wanted to change your name from "mommy" or "daddy" (because of this) then this is the post for you.

The sad thing is that I really spent hardly any time with Jo today. She spent the day with one of her best friends, Katelyn, whose mom graciously agreed to watch her so I could get some work done on the house with a good friend . The day went great. We got a lot done, and I was excited to see Johanna when I went to pick her up at 5:00. Then, it began all over again...life with a 3 year old. She didn't want to come with me from Katelyn's house (of course....I really can't blame her on that one). Then, it was WW3 to get ready for VBS. Yup folks, that's right. I had no child again from 6:30 until 8:30 while she was having a blast at Vacation Bible School. Not only did I not have a child, but I got to spend quality time with a good friend.

When I picked her up from VBS things seemed well. She was her usual 3 year old self (think girl with a curl right in the middle of her forehead), but we had fun on the way home, and she went straight upstairs to get ready for bed (could this be actually happening) at which point she flooded the entire bathroom while I was getting the laundry. I have no words at this point. Let's just say that plugging the sink and letting the water run full blast can make a big mess in a short amount of time (did I mention we are trying to see our house). I don't recommend trying this at home.

I got her in bed in time to try and get all the trash out for tomorrow before I fell over of sheer exhaustion (good thing I had that sixth cup of coffee). I came back in the house to find her at the top of the stairs and needing to go to the bathroom AGAIN. I once again have no words (this is not normal for me).

And so here I sit, writing as she is calling "mommy, mommy, mommy...." needing something that I am SURE she doesn't really need. I think I am changing my name. At least until tomorrow.