It finally hit me the other day. I am going to be sending my baby away to "school" in about a month. The preschool decision was a BIG one for me. As a teacher I understand the importance of learning young, but as a mother I long for more years of not worrying about anything beyond scraped knees and princess overload. Being home this past year taught me a couple things though.
1) I cannot be mother and teacher to my child. I am not against homeschooling, but that will not work for our family. At least not with Johanna, and not right now. We did a lot of homeschooling preschool activities and when it came to anything but crafts, we about killed each other. We are WAY too much alike and I admit that I am way to hard on her when she doesn't do something to the best of her abilities. When she isn't trying her best I want to discipline her as her mother not as her teacher. A teacher has a greater buffer zone than a mother which I think will be really important for Jo's personality. Just not for us.
2) Now, I know that she would be fine even if I kept her home with me and didn't focus on anything educational for the next year. She could enter Kindergarten the following year and be perfectly on track. However, is that REALLY what is best for her. I had to face the fact that doing that would set her up to face challenges that she shouldn't have to face and would be better conquered in a smaller classroom environment- i.e. preschool. We are not talking ABCs here people. She's known those since she turned 2. We are talking life and social skills. Let's face it, my child is an only child with a very strong personality. She knows what she wants and she is more than capable of communicating that to you in a timely and articulate fashion! She is an excellent leader and has a heart that wants to make everyone around her happy. The problem is that in the "real world" you don't always get to be the line leader. You don't always get to answer every question that the teacher asks. Sometimes you have to tow the line. But, I want her to learn to do that without compromising her strength. I have learned this is something I cannot teach her myself. She needs some life experience with a class full of 14 other bright children who also want to be the line leader and answer every question. She needs to learn how to handle those situations and to do the right thing even when Mommy isn't standing right there.
I visited several preschools after doing copious amounts of research. The last one we visited was Beginnings Christian Day School. Johanna and I prayed before we went in for the appointment. Johanna asked, "Why do we need to pray, Mommy?" I told her, "This is a really big decision for Mommy and I need to know that we are doing the BEST thing for you in Jesus's eyes." I quietly prayed that if this was the place Johanna was meant to be that I would feel completely sure about it when I left THAT DAY.
I wish I could describe the difference between this visit and the others. All the schools had been very nice, with nice facilities and teachers. However, this place was just different, in a good way. Not only were the teachers friendly and qualified (Johanna's teacher has her master's degree), but somehow it felt like family. These were people that I would totally hang out with! The school was a perfect fit for Johanna, and I felt sure about it before I walked out the door (dragging my child because she didn't want to leave!). It was the kind of peace that you know can only come from God, especially for us worry-wart moms! Another visit later with Dad (who needed to see for himself!) and we were registered. The teacher side of me was excited to get her into their pre-kindergarten class which uses the kindergarten A Beka curriculum which I know is challenging. Johanna is already reading so I wanted a program that offered challenging academics for bright kids as well as a comfortable, family and Christ-focused social environment.
I would be lying if I said that I didn't ever have "oh-my-gosh-what-am-I-doing" moments about her going to school everyday. BUT, when I stopped to pray about why I was feeling that way I discovered something worth writing about. I realized that I didn't question whether or not this was the best decision for Johanna. I was worried about what other moms would think of me for sending my only child to this program. THIS IS A PROBLEM. Parenting is difficult enough on its own without having to worry about what other people think. Why is it that some Moms seem to get it in their head that what is best for their family should be best for every family? I have absolutely NO JUDGEMENT on moms who choose to parent their child differently than mine. Homeschooling, private school, public school, spanking, time-outs, co-sleeping, or cry-it-out. I say whatever works for your family- go for it! I guess I have to admit that I do judge parents who I feel aren't meeting the basic needs of their child- food, shelter, love, etc. However, who am I to tell you that my way of meeting my child's needs is the best way?
3) Unfortunately, I feel like this is a huge problem within the capital C church as well. I know SOOOOOO many moms who have been turned off to God because of how His children have acted. I certainly have my opinions about things like vaccination, schooling, and discipline. I will even share those opinions with you if you ask. HOWEVER, they are just opinions and are never more important than someone establishing a personal relationship with their creator. Pretty sure when we die, God won't ask whether or not we vaccinated or if we sent our kids to public school before we are permitted to walk on the streets of gold. I encourage those of us who are already His children to not cripple our testimony by being "IN YO FACE" about things that do not matter in the light of eternity.
Being a mom is about doing what is best for your children and that can look 100s of different ways. The bottom line is that moms need support. We need support from other moms. So, let's all lay down our battle axe, pick up the white flag, and call a truce.
